"When I have completed this bucket list, I’ll write another one and start that one …!"

Cathy’s Story

During the summer of 2020 I began to feel very full and bloated when eating, so much so that by the September I was only really eating an evening meal to avoid the discomfort in the day from eating, I went to my mum’s for a meal one day and immediately my stomach ballooned making me look as if I was 6 months pregnant. It had been like this for months. My mum encouraged me to go and see a doctor as she suspected something really wasn’t right with me.

I was put off going to see a doctor for months because of covid but to please my mum I said I’d go and get checked out. I then went to A&E at Wythenshawe hospital and was booked onto their day assessment ward for the following day. After a day full of various tests and scans a nurse came to tell me a consultant was on her way to give me their findings and asked if I’d like to phone my husband so he could be present. I instantly knew it must be something serious as she was quite insistent I should phone my husband to be with me. I told her I would be fine receiving any results on my own. The next 30 minutes or so waiting for her to arrive seemed to take forever. While I was sitting on the bed waiting, I convinced myself it must be cancer then I began thinking of all the people I had known with cancer and after long painful journeys were now in remission and cancer free. By the time the consultants arrived I had convinced myself that, whatever the results of my tests I could overcome it.

Two consultants entered the room followed by two nurses and a lovely lady consultant began to tell me the results. I was told I had extensive tumours covering the outside of all my organs and covering my peritoneum and that I had cancer in my pelvis and bones. At this point I began to be sick, violently sick, one of the nurses passed me a bowl and I continued to be sick while being told of their findings. I think it was the shock of the news. I started to tell the consultants that my dad had recovered from bowel cancer and then also recovered from a separate unrelated lung cancer after months of treatment. I was then told that the cancer I had was incurable and there was not a great deal they could do for me. I was told they had been unable to locate the primary cancer but that they suspected it was in my breasts or my ovaries. I was then given a breast examination in which no lumps could be found. I was told I would be referred to another doctor who would try to locate the primary source so I could then commence some form of treatment. I asked the consultant how long I had, she said at first “I’m not sure” then when I pushed her again for an answer she said that based on the extent the cancer had metastasised to it could be 6-12 months. After the consultants and nurses had all left the room I just sat on the bed feeling blank, like it was all a bad dream. My husband texted to see if I had my results yet, I replied that I hadn’t yet. What did I tell him? How was I going to tell him and my daughter who was 17 at the time? I just sat on the bed in disbelief, all I could think was 12 months … !! 12 months … . !! My daughter would only be 18 then and have just completed her A levels.

My phone rang and it was one of my good friends so I answered it, she wanted to know how I was getting on. I briefly told her what I had been told and she said she was on her way to get me straight away. When in the car with my friend she pulled to the side of the road, I phoned both my mum and my husband to give them the news. Then I started to cry (the only time I have ever cried about my diagnosis) not crying for myself but crying for my daughter. How was I going to tell my daughter who was my absolute world and my best friend. My friend said she would come with me to tell my daughter so when we arrived back at my house she came with me to break the news. The next morning I woke up in a daze and was convinced I must have heard the consultants wrong the previous day, so I phoned a breast nurse who had given me her number in case I had any questions. She repeated all the results to me over the phone in detail as I think I switched off listening after being told I had terminal cancer and wanted to be sure I had actually heard them correctly.

During the next few weeks I was sent to Manchester Royal and Wythenshawe hospitals on many occasions for numerous tests/scans, two ascites drainage sessions and various proddings and poking in just about every bit of me while the medical teams tried to locate the primary cancer. After about 6 weeks the primary cancer was located in my right breast, it was so tiny it had not showed up on any of the scans or mammograms. It was only just about visible with ultrasound. I was so shocked as I’d had a mammogram two years previously which was clear. There was basically no way my cancer could have been prevented, it had spread so extensively around my body from the tiniest tumour in my breast. I was then referred to the Christie hospital where I am currently on chemotherapy in tablet form alongside hormone treatment and bone strengthening injections each month. This treatment is currently working to slow down the spread, at present I have a diagnosis of 2-3 years. I am under the Macmillan Palliative Care Team who have been absolutely fantastic and they have finally got my pain medication sorted out now so I am on very high doses of morphine but in much less pain and I can manage with this, as each month passes by I feel weaker and get exhausted so easily. Since my diagnosis I have moved house to enable me to leave my daughter set up in a nice small house and my husband set up in a bungalow. I have all finances in place for my daughter’s future and I now live between my husband and my daughter. I have even sorted out my own funeral arrangements to spare my family from the pain of doing it. I’m just getting on with enjoying my life and the time I have left with my daughter, husband and other family and friends. I have written a bucket list with 50 things on it that I am working my way through each week, I try to tick at least one off my list weekly. This is really keeping me motivated, my friends have been amazing in helping me to achieve the things I want to do, and when I have completed this bucket list I’ll write another one and start that one … I’m fighting this cancer with all that I have and am planning on hanging around for at least 5 years as I’m not ready to go yet.